google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
