I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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