tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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