those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
