I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
