Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
