This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
