so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
