Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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