so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize