i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize