every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
