seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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