tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize