I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
