I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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