with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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