yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
