Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
