just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
