how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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