Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize