every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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