my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
