I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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