you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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