Fine. I'll sleep in my office
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
