I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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