I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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