Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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