PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
