He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
