its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
