I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
