I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize