"it" just moved
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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