I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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