There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
