There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
