if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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