Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
