So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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