I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
