Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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