i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
