You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
