new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
