Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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