grandma shit on top of the toilet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
