Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
