i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is wine microwaveable?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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