I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
