So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
