it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
