I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize