Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
