she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
