Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
