btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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