Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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