Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
