I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
