I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
